Being a mature secret friend
I agree with the advice you gave in your column two weeks ago to Derek, the man who has a deep friendship with another woman, about which his wife doesn't know. I discovered that my husband was having such a friendship, which turned into an affair. Looking back I could see many clues, but I couldn't gainsay his denials. Part of the problem was that, because of this friendship, he couldn't help but withdraw some of himself, and his support, from me. I often felt that he was being selfish or cold, but couldn't put my finger on why. This in turn made me grumpy and short-tempered, so it was a vicious circle.
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From childhood friends Ben Affleck and Matt Damon to former college roommates Connie Britton and Kirsten Gillibrand, the public sphere is full of friendships as notable for their longevity as they are for their star power. They understand your roots and may have been witness to other important people and events in your life. Of course, maintaining lasting friendships is easier said than done reports estimate that most American adults have an average of just two trusted confidants which is why we asked the experts to fill us in on their secrets for lasting love -- of the platonic variety. That's not to say that people who have long friendships don't ask for a lot from their loved ones. Oprah once described her friend Gayle King, whom she met working at a local Baltimore TV station in the s, as the person who "wants the best for you in every single situation of your life. Lifts you up. Supports you.
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Obviously, there are many matters that should be kept strictly within a marriage, or partnership. Other than this principle, the idea of emotional infidelity is real enough, but somewhat confused in its formulation. Friendships with high levels of emotional intimacy, particularly I would venture among women, are held in high regard as a valuable resource. Many women would probably not consider it a betrayal to occasionally discuss otherwise private matters with close female friends and would not consider it a Sapphic form of emotional infidelity. Does it make a difference if you share secrets with a man or a woman?
Friendships are more beneficial than just sharing laughs over a cup of coffee. The secret to making new friends is as simple as being open to it. Here are six things you can do to fill your calendar and forge new friendships:. The first impression sets the stage on whether a person will be communicating with you or not, says psychotherapist Richard E. If you see them grimacing and frowning, you more than likely will not communicate with that person because they do not appear approachable or even nice.
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